Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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