but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
