alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
