Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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