Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
