make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
