Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
