I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
