If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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