dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
