This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
