My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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