your room smells of hookers.
And success
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i drank out of a bidet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
