well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
