So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
