Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize