I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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