i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
