They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
