question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
