i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
