A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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