New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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