And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How does one acquire holy water?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
