Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
