So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
