im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
