It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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