Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
