she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
