love makes seman taste better
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
