I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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