chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
