Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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