just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
