Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
