Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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