my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
