Have you finally orgasmed yet?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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