You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
