Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
