Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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