some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
