People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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