what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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