Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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