guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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