I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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