So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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