I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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