I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
