It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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