the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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