I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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