I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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