remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
