It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
