Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
