you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
