return my video game
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
