Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
