I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
