looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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