you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
