just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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