u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
