I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
