girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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