In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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