if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
