Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
