Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Vodka?
Forever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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