Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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